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The Gods' Everyday
Chapter 1: Khorne "''Ey, Bloodletter! Give me a nice comfy pillow! It is getting fucking painful to sit on this damn Skull Throne in fucking 40,000 years!!" - Khorne The Bloodletter found a pillow, but when it came back, Karanak ate his head. ''"Me damnit, Karanak! Naughty Dog!!! I will soon lose all of my Bloodletter army because you eat all of them!!"'' - Khorne' Khorne called for another Bloodletter to give him the pillow. This time Karanak didn't eat the Bloodletter. Khorne took the pillow and asked: "This is fucking out-used!! Who used MY pillow!!" - Khorne "Which of you halotards used MY PILLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ''- Khorne ''"I think Slaanesh took it, and used it. I also think he smashed his bullock on it." ''- Bloodletter ''"Eww, growse... Well, get me another pillow. And BIGGER. I want it BEHEMOTH size." ''- Khorne ''"Then we would have to get two juggernauts. With a smashed bullock." ''- Bloodletter When the Bloodletter had returned with the un-used, behemoth pillow, Khorne sat upon it, and found out that the pillow was better than his Skull Throne, and then he sat on the pillow untill it was outused, and then all this go up and up again. That is Khorne's everyday. Chapter 2: Tzeentch ''"Ah, finally i have finished the mixture that will be able to remove all life. Wait, it is no good idea to have something like that..... Oh, i know how to eliminate that lousy Death Guard...." ''- Tzeentch Tzeentch accidentally dropped the mixture on the floor, and eliminated all life in his own realm. But then he created everything again. ''"Master, please, don't re-create that mixture. You should create a mixture that makes the Space Marines' penises fall of and will be replaced with balloons." ''- Kairos Fateweaver ''"That isn't a bad idea. Yes! It would eliminate all the Loyalists and the Death Guard. Smart thing you thought up, Kairos. But of course I am going to take all the credit." - Tzeentch "Hmmph! He is always like that!" ''- Kairos Fateweaver ''"I heard that! You fucking bastard will die and sacraficed to Khorne!!! Wait, that dosen't make any sense, since Khorne is my arch-enemy in Warhammer Fantasy... But meh, here in Warhammer 40,000 he hates the slutbunny Slaanesh more." ''- Tzeentch ''"Yes, i do hate the horny cunt fuck more, but i still fucking hate you too!" ''- Khorne ''"Well, fuck you! And this isn't even your realm, and how the fuck did you get in here!?!" ''- Tzeentch ''"I have my ways.... Lets just say that it involves a giant pillow, four Juggernauts with smashed bullocks, and some hobo i abducted." ''- Khorne ''"Have you seriously gone that low.. You fucking abducted a hobo... THAT IS SOOOOO HARDCORE!!! YOU ARE MY NEW IDOL EVEN THOUGH I HATE YOU!!" - Tzeentch "Ahh, you flatter me! But now, let's but an axe in the face of Kairos." ''- Khorne "''Ahh, yes! But i rather wanna put a spear in his face." ''- Tzeentch ''" How about you put the spear in my ass, and the axe goes in my dick?" ''- Kairos Fateweaver ''"Noo, we don't want to make a fucking Pain Olympic. I saw those, they are fucking disgusting!!" ''- Tzeentch ''"No, Pain Olympic was awesome to watch!" - Slaanesh "No it wasn't, and how did you get in here, Mr. Slutfuck?" - Khorne "I just use my HUGE COCK to get in here." - Slaanesh "I doubt that it is that big. And now shut up, little horny cunt fuck." - Tzeentch. "OKAY! I will go away. Jeesh!" - Slaanesh "What a pussy." - Tzeentch. "Yes. But i must go home and take a HOT SHOWER OF DOOM!!!! And after that take a NAP OF DOOM!!!" - Khorne "Yeah, sure. Get out of here." - Tzeentch Then Khorne went to take a HOT SHOWER OF DOOM!!! and then a NAP OF DOOM!!!, and this repeats over and over again and that is Tzeentch's everyday. Chapter 3: Nurgle "ISHA!! Drink this stuff. It will give you HIV." - Nurgle "Why do you have to test all of this on me?" - Isha "Because you can self-heal, and you're fucking hot!" - Nurgle "Just go and give Slaaneshi people AIDS and STDs." - Isha "THAT IS AN AWESOME IDEA!! But first i will drink some Malzbier and eat some hot dogs with awesome-sauce." - Nurgle "How did you get the Emperor's Awesome-sauce and Malzbier?" - Isha "HE STOLE IT, THAT'S WHAT HE DID!!!" - The Emperor "FAAAAKE!!!" - Some Douche from a Smosh Video "That made no sense whatsoever. I BANISH YOU TO THE WARP!!" - The Emperor "Send him to Tzeench, so that he can die in his maze!!" - Nurgle "That is the first ever good idea you have ever had, Nurgle. But i still hate you." - The Emperor "So this is "The Warp"??? FAAAAAAAKKKKKKEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!" - The douche from a Smosh video "*facepalm* How can i be the leader of so many douches..." - The Emperor "Because i give you all some disease." - Nurgle "Then i will BANISH YOU TO THE WARP WHEN IT IS MY CHAPTER IN THIS STORY!!!!" - The Emperor "Umm, i live in the warp..." - Nurgle "Damnit! Then i will banish you to Realspace!!!" - The Emperor "You can't." - Nurgle "Why?" - The Emperor "You'd have to infest all lifeforms in the galaxy with a plague to banish me to realspace..." - Nurgle "Umm, isn't it Tzeentch's job to be abnormally smart?" - The Emperor "Yes..." - Nurgle And then Nurgle went to sleep, after the Emperor has left(Because he's not a Slaaneshi slutfuck stalker), and Nurgle steals the Emperor's keys to success again. And this repeats mostly every day. Chapter 4: Slaanesh "Which shall i use today? Hmm... Maybe the one that goes up my ass? No. The one that stings holes in my dick? No. The one that sends stimulating drugs into my bloodstream? Ohh, this will be great!" -Slaanesh "How come you always use toys and never have sex with us?" - The Masque "Because you're ugly!! You have claws! I am fine with molesting these Eldar souls here." - Slaanesh "That brought no satisfaction at all. But whatever, pain is awesome!" - The Masque "*facepalm* How did i even get here?" - Khorne "Yes, how did you brute come in here.. I WANT NO BARBARIAN HERE!!" - Slaanesh "*facepalm* I'm double as clever and intelligent as you are.. I AM THE OLDEST, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!" - Khorne "Wow, how did I get here! I should have been dead... Is this hell?" - Dal Karus "Yes it is, this is where you will be molested for eternety by semi-hot daemons and one manwhore." - Khorne "NOOOO!!! NOT SLAANESH'S REALM!!! WHY!?!?!?!?!?" - Dal Karus "Because you was stupid enough to lead Third Claw vs. First Claw and now the entire Third Claw is dead! A few of them came to Nurgle's hell, some came to mine, and some came to Tzeentch's. But only you came here, to the worst one." - Khorne "Why are you here, then?" - Dal Karus "I don't know. But i know that IMMA KILL SLAANESH FOR JERKING OFF IN FRONT OF ME!!!" - Khorne "Go listen to some Dimmu Borgir or something, while i listen to real music, like Justin Bieber!!" - Slaanesh "You will die for even mentioning Dimmu Borgir.. You are not worth of saying that name..... YOU WILL ALSO DIE FOR LIKING JUSTIN BIEBER!!! DDDAAAAAIIII!!!" - Khorne Then Khorne tries to kill Slaanesh, and suddenly a spear almost hits Slaanesh, but Khorne's axe got it out of the way, and Khorne missed on Slaanesh. "DAMN YOU, KHORNE, EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE MY IDOL EVEN THOUGH I HATE YOU!!! YOU GOT MY SPEAR OUT OF BALANCE!!!" - Tzeentch "BUT HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW IF YOU THREW THAT LITTLE PENCIL AT THAT LITTLE SLUTTY BITCH!!" - Khorne "Ho Ho Ho! It's Christmas!" - Santa Claus "No it's not.. And here it is never christmas... It's Slaaneshi's hell..." - Tzeentch "I don't think you heard me. I said 'Hahaha!! It's Killsmas!!'." - Santa Claws "YES!!! IT'S THE CLONE OF SANTA CLAUS THAT I MADE!!! His name is Santa Claws." - Tzeentch "Come here Slaanesh... Imma gut you and cut you to bits..." - Santa Claws "NOO!!! MAKE THAT RODENT STAY AWAY FROM ME!! HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLP!!!!" - Slaanesh Then Santa Claws killed Slaanesh, but then Slaanesh regenerated into a new Slaanesh, and this happens a lot nowadays. (Short) Chapter 5: The Emperor All the Emperor does whenever he visits the Chaos Gods is to eat Tacos with Awesomesauce and drink Malzbier. "Ah, these Tacos are awesome! Well, it is natural when they have Awesomesauce in them." - The Emperor "Hohoho!! I am here to steal your awesomesauce tacos and Malzbier!!!" - Nurgle Then Nurgle quickly took the Emperor's Tacos and Malzbier. "You'll die for that!! Exorcist!! Play some epic battle music!!!" - The Emperor "Sure. Imma play..... Umm.... Does Immediate Music - With Great Power sound good?" - Exorcist "Sure! Just play it!" - The Emperor "Then we battle, my old enemy!" - Nurgle "Yea!!" Then Nurgle and The Emperor had a fierce battle, until The Emperor did a barrel roll. "PUT THE VOLUME TO OVER 9000!!!" "No, then Terra would be destroyed by the sonic waves. It'd be worse than Luna when it was created!!" - Exorcist "Damnit... Anyways, imma EXTERMINATE you!!!!" - The Emperor "NOOOO!!!" - Nurgle Then Nurgle took a fatal blow, and teleported back to his realm, and got Isha to heal him. And this is what The Emperor does in his spare time. Chapter 6: The Eldar Pantheon "IT IS SO BORING BEING SPREAD ALL OVER THE GALAXY IN SMALL PIECES!!!! I'M SO ANGRY!!!" - Khaine "Maybe it'd be better if you hadn't killed us all and stuff." - Vaul "Yeah! At least i'm a survivor. Well, i was created after the massacre." - Ynnead "SHUT UP, YNNEAD!!! IMMA KILL YOU WITH MY NEW ALLIES, THE DALEKS!!!!!" "EXTERMINATE YNNEAD!!" - Dalek 1 "OUR PURPOSE IS TO EXTERMINATE YNNEAD!" - Dalek 2 "Please, do not try to summon more Daleks from the Doctor Who universes. You watch Doctor Who way to much." - Vaul "NO!!! DOCTOR WHO IS AWESOME!!!!! DALEKS, EXTERMINATE VAUL!!!" - Khaine "EXTERMINATE!!! EXTERMINATE!!! EXTEEEERMINAAATEEE!!!!" - Dalek 1 "We must follow orders!!" - Dalek 3 "Stop it. This has no purpose." - Vaul "No purpose? NO PURPOSE!? EXTERMINATE!!! EXTERMINATE THE DOCTOR!!" - Dalek 1 said and all the Daleks teleported back to the Doctor Who universe. And that is what usually happens. 'Nuff said. Chapter 7: The C'tan "Ugh watching Nurgle experiment is boring" - The Deciever "Turn to Khorne's fight with Slannesh" - The Void Dragon Deciever turns to said channel and witnesses a most disturbing sight. "MY EYES" - The Nightbringer "You don't have any functional eyes.." - The Deceiver "I DON'T CARE!!!" - The Nightbringer "HES NAKED OH GOD" - The Void Dragon All three C'tan proceed to vomit on a random star system,causing it to turn yellow, grey and blue permanently. "TURN IT OFF" - The Deceiver The void dragon switches off the universal television. "OI YA GITS WHATZ YA WATCHING" - Gork The three C'tan look at Gork "How did you get here?" - The Deceiver "It involved Khorne, his ballless juggernauts and his pillow"-Mork from VERY far away. "Hey Gork heh you want to watch the fight between Slannesh and Khorne" - The Deceiver The C'tan then start to whisper to the others. "Are you fucking crazy?" - The Void Dragon to The Deceiver "You know Gorks persistance,THIS is the only way to get him to go away" - The Deceiver to The Void Dragon "MY NON-FUNCTIONAL EYEBALLS WON'T TAKE THE STRAIN FROM THE SIGHT" - The Nightbringer to both "THEN LOOK AWAY" - The Deceiver to The Nightbringer The gods finally coming to a decision looked at Gork. "So want to watch Gork?" - The Void Dragon "Yeah sure" - Gork They turn on the TV.... "AHHHH MY EYES" - Gork running away from the sight, leaving laughing C'tan shutting off the TV. "Damn! That was hillarious!!" - The Deceiver "Yeah!! That was awesome!!" - The Void Dragon "Gork screaming and running or Slaanesh?" - The Nightbringer "Gork screaming and running of course!!!" - The Void Dragon "Ok. Imma get some Khorne Flakes. Then imma look at some Isha porn." - The Deceiver "You're a messed up sod, Deceiver." - Void Dragon "Like you're any better, being caved in inside Mars, jacking off to female techpriests." - The Nightbringer And that is what the C'tan do. Sometimes. This story has gotten way out of track. This isn't The Gods' Everyday anymore. It is The Gods' Weird Reocurring Experiences. Chapter 8: The Omnissiah ﻿ ﻿